


Jeremy isn't listening

by TeaWWW



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bruises, Cutting, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Friends to Enemies, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, More than one chapter!, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Regret, Sad, Sad Michael, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-24 14:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaWWW/pseuds/TeaWWW
Summary: Alternate ending, Jeremy didn't drink as much alcohol to block the squip but to stop the nerve blocking. After the party Jeremy isn't listening to squip, and the squip isn't taking it well...It's going to be more than four chapters!!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's going to be more chapters soon! I don't know how many but it isn't going to be one.

_**Get out of my way Michael** _ **: say it**

_Bu- but he's gonna be hurt..._

**If this is going to work you can't listen you have to obey Jeremy, we've been over this.**

_But h-he, he's my friend._

**Wuld your friend want to stop you from being popular?**

_That's not what he's trying to do!_

**If you can't do this I'll do it.**

What's happening, I ca-can't speak.

**" GEt OuT of mY way _l o s e r._ "**

No! What's happening, this isn't me, Michael don't listen to him! Don't listen to me! Michael don't go, that's not true! stop! Why are my words not coming out! Stop! Stop! This isn't what I want!

**Here You said it. Now what you're gonna do is...**

 No! I'm not listening to you anymore! Get out of my head! You've hurt Michael, why are doing this to me?!

**I'm doing this because I have to, because it's what YOU want, You've hurt Michael because You wanted to.**

No! That's not true shut up! Shut up!!!

Feeling the tears form in the corner of his eyes Jeremy grabbed the bottle of Votka and drank what's left of it.

**You can try but it's not going to work for long, I'm here, I'm part of you, you're never gonna get riridd off mmee...**

He's gone, I can't hear him. He's no-not...Why is the room shaking. Outside, I need to go outside. It's coming up, crap. Feeling the empty stomach after everything that was previously in there, put on side of the road. My head's starting to hurt, everything feels fuzzy, shaky, darker and darker...

 

"Ughhhhhh"

"Dude you okay?" Huh? Where am I? It's dark, What time is it? Who's taking to me? "You passed out after throwing up on the sidewalk of Jakes house, you're at my place" I look at Rich handing me a glass of water.  
"I think you got hurt after falling to the ground. When I was changing your shirt, because your had barf all over it. I saw a huge bruise on your side, maybe we should go to the hospital to see if you broke something" My stomach sank and the glass broke up in my hand. "Dude!!!! The glass, is your hand okay?!!" Said Rich grabbing my bloddy hand taking pieces of glass out of it.

**Hello Jeremy.**

_No._

**Yes.**  

  
_Why are you back?!!_

 **Well it seems you need some help with the situation.**   _I don't need your help!_

_**What are you gonna say to him? The bruise, the cup...** I-I..._

  
" Thanks, Rich I don't need to go to-" Sharp pain in my head stopped me. "Owwwww".

"Wait here Jeremy, I'm going to get the first aid kit!" Rich ran to the other room. I'm not listening to you anymore!

**You have no choice.**

I boal my fists now for the first time remembering that it got hurt, at first flinching and opening it again, I notice something.

**-ugh**

I see the pain in squips' face.                               _Did-did I do that?_                                             With my other hand I touch the spot where my hand got cut. Here is it again- I see the glich of pain on the squip. This hasen't happend before. When He beat me, or when I got hurt Squip would usually dissapear.

Rich came in the room with first aid.

"Jeremy, does anything else hurt?" he said carefully treating my hand. "M-my head." Jeremy said weakly. "It's probably because you drank so much, we can drop by a pharmacy on the way to school"

"What time is it?"

"It's around 5 in the morning, you can sleep a litlle longer" He said getting in his bed which I only now realise I'm in. "Try to get a little more sleep nerd, the cercles around your eyes aren't suiting you"

He fell asleep.

 

 

 

* * *

 

6:23 My eyes open. My chest's hurting. Sharp breaths excaping my mouth. Panic and nosia hit. I look around, Rich holding my hand. I'm calming down. Lay down again, and fall asleep.

I woke up to Rich patting me on the head saying "we have to go to school"

Only now I look at his hand more closely. If you really look you can see scars. They're old but you can still see them. I'm not crazy enough to ask but I can see it. "C'mon we gotta go or we're gonna be late" I guess he's not that bad.

 

I stand before the classroom, anxious to go in knowing that Michael is going to be there first hour. I turn the knob going over to my seat-

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters coming soon!

My hands are feeling sweety and it feels like I have a lump in my throat as I turn the knob of the classroom door. Anxiously looking around the room searching for a boy with a bright red hoddie usually hard to miss. And now he is nowhere to be found.

The class seems to last forever looking at his phone every 15 seconds. After what seemed like an eternity the doors of the classroom open and sounde                     choes through it

"Sorry for being late",

"It's okay, Michael take your seat" Teacher, who would ussualy not approve of being late said softly seeing one of his favorite students looks so worn out.

The air felt heavy as Michel walked to the seat he ussualy took beside Jeremy. His heart broke seeing Michael in the state he was in, slouched down with red eyes caused by crying and tiredness.

  
"H-hey Mic-Michael" said Jeremy nervously. Michael looked at him.

 

"-tsk"

 

His head turning away from Jeremy.      Jeremy froze, he culdn't speak move or anything for that matter. His head started to hurt he could feel the tears forming in his eyes. The class ended. And Jeremy started to follow Michael who was trying to get away from him in a sea of people

"~" Jeremy tried to say something but he didn't know how to form a sentence or what to say.

What was he gonna do come up to Michael an say _' Sorry I have computer looking like Kenu Reevea and he told me you were too much of a loser to hang out with if I want to be popular '_ That certanly isn't going to help him feel better.

He felt nauseus and his migraine starting to worsen. He runs to the bathroom and starts having a full blown panic attack.

**You sure are awful.**

_S-shut_  ~huff  _up!_

**Leaving a friend that you've known more than 10 years for some girl. You don't deserve him.** Breathing short breaths trying to even it out he starts squeezing the hand that was bangaded up and hurt, red coloring the white bandage.

The squip glitches and starts to speak even lauder. **Even a super nano computer couldn't save a fUcK UP like you, You've hurt only friend that cared. WortHles, wAste of sPAcE, hOrriBLe, stUPid, MorON...**    
Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!

 

* * *

 

 

 

He woke up having water splashed on his face. Looking at the two figures standing over him. It was Rich and Jake.

"Jeremy, man you scared me for a second there" He heard Rich say. Jeremy was hold princess style in Jakes hands.

"After you didn't come on history Jake and I went looking for you, we were worried something happend and here we see you passed out beside a toilet holding your head. We're taking you to the hospital, let's go".  " **NO!** " Jeremy jelled and startled the two looking at him with concern, "why not?", 

"You don't look so hot" Jake said holding Jeremy tighter seeing he wasn't holding on. "Look guys, thank you but I'm just a little bit hang over nothing to be scared about, now let me down"

Rich sighed rubbing the space between his eyes. "You clearly aren't fine. If you don't want to go, at least to infirmary so you can rest a little and I can re-do bandige on your hand, it's all soked in blood."                 

 "Maybe eat something seeing that all that you've eaten was flushed down schools toilet".

"Yeah Jer you weight like, nothing" said Jake putting Jeremy from his hold to his feet on the floor. As soon as he did that Jeremy almost feel and again startled Jake and Rich. "Come on you can't even stand, just let Jake carry you to the infirmary it would be a problem if you fainted on us again."

Jeremy noded as his peer picked him up. He fell asleep in his classmates hands like a child. Jeremy slept in the infirmary waking up several times because of the nightmares. The day finally came to an end. But now he had to come back home and axplain why he didn't come home for the last two days


	3. Chapter 3

Jeremy doesn't like to be at home any more then he loves being at school. The reasoning behind that was his family, his mother that left them. And his father who was left alone with a kid. At first he took good care of Jeremy, but the older Jeremy got his dad seemed to take a turn for the worse.

Mr. Here spend most of his days trying to do work from home, and most of his nights drinking like there's no tommorow.

Young Jeremy usually went to bed early, not as much went to bed but went to his room and not came out till morning.

When he was 14 he woke up around 2 a.m., and went to drink some water. He saw his father throwing a fit crying and repeating the words like

"Why has she left me, i-it isn't my fault she left, it's that damn brat's fault, h-he ruined everything"

  
That night his dad beaten him on a verge of death. Not until morning he realised that, and when he did drove Jeremy to hospital crying and apologising the whole way. Jeremy was hospitalized for 2 fragmented ribs and an eternal bleeding.

He wasn't drinking as much after that, not when Jeremy was home.

Jeremy would spend more time at Michaels house than his own. Michaels basement always felt more like home than his house. Thinking of that everywhere felt like home when Michael was around. But that's over now. Jeremy was met with harsh reality. In front of the door if his house.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**He's probably drinking again.**

 

 _You're probably right on that one._  

 

**So are you gonna listen to me or are               you gonna risk getting hurt again?**

 

 _I would rather be hurting Myself that having to hurt others, have **you** hurt them._  

 

**Are you sure Jeremy? You weren't home for two days, and you know what that means.**

 

_Yeah, I know._

 

Jeremy said as he was mentally preparing himself for about what he's gonna do next.

 

 _So I'm gonna run inside, and upstairs, locking the bedroom door behind me._ '

**You know it's not gonna work.**

_It's work a try._  

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Jeremy put bandages and gases on the places where it hurt swallowing pain killers.

 

**Told you it's not gonna work. Big guy like him pushed the door out of its place like it was nothing.**

 

_Shut up._

 

**You deserved it anyways.**

 

_..._

 

_Whatever shut up I'm going to sleep, I have school tomorrow._

 

**You only have 3 hours until you have to get up, and you have gym today.**

 

_Then I'll  uh... Dich before gim and get a slushy or something._

 

**Seven eleven won't solve your problems,            but I'm here and I can-**

 

_SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep._

 

* * *

 

 

Jeremy took more pain killers walking pass his passed out father on the living room couch.

"He probably isn't gonna remember a thing." Jeremy said rubbing the back of his head where he got slammed on the floor.

"So much of a great father you are." He said sarcastically looking at the dried blood on his hands.

 

**You know it's your fault that he's drinking.**

 

_I know that._

 

**Your  not coming home two nights in a row resulted in him drinking.**

 

_I know that too._

 

Sheepishly Jeremy walked out of the door of the house. And took a long slow walk to school. He almost fell face first few times, but what could he do when he missed the bus and was now getting late to his first period.

Second period he was supposed to have with Michael he had a chance to talk to him again. To his surprise Michael changed seats with Jeremy well known female friend.

 

_Brook._

 

"Hey Jeremy!" Said the beta with a blush on her face. Brook was a sweet girl with petite form, she always smelled like flowers and was laughing happily. She was smart and popular, she was also interested in our friend here-Jeremy.

"Hello Brook" Jeremy said in low monotone voice. Witch surprised Brook.

"Jeremy you feeling okay? You don't look so good"

  
Yeah, I'm feeling fine I just got beaten up by my dad my best friend hates me and I'm a horrable person to everyone especially to my friend who has been nothing but supportive and helpful more than 12 years of my life.

"I'm fine just a litlle hungry I guess"

And that was true his stomach hasen't stopped making noises cense he left the house, the last time he ate something was the morning before this one. He was basically a disaster waiting to happen.

"Oh no, that's so sad, I have a sandwich if you want it." Brook was so nice caring about others.

"No that's fine I wouldn't want to take your lunch, then you'd be hungry"

"Besides, next hour is P.E. and I'm ditching it going to seven eleven"

Everything was quiet for the rest of the class.

 

Jeremy got to seven eleven. He was holding 30dollars he took out of his fathers wallet.

 

**You stole that he's gonna be looking for that.**

 

_Remind me again when I give a shit._

 In the next 30minutes Jeremy had a slushy and few other things that him and Michael used to take thare, he walked to school slowly as he had 15 more minutes till the end of gym.

Jeremy didn't like gym,  it meant he had to get dressed in a bathroom so people at locker room didn't stare at him, his scars shock scars from the squip and other ones...

Next he had to do physical activities from whom he got even more sweaty and awkward. Another thing that didn't help was remind him he always spend his time with Michael. Talking in the locking room as Michael got undressed and his chest was-

**That sounded ~~gay~~   _wrong._**

Jeremys face turned deep red at the thoughts he was having. Wa-was he gay for Michael?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like the chapter? Comment below


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michaels POV and Jeremy's old habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had not so much re-writen the previous chapters but put them in 'Rich Text' and changed some dialogues a little so if you have time go read them [if you want to]

_Michaels POV_

 

"c'mon man move it"

 

_Please Jer snap out of it, this isn't you._

 

"or you'll what"

 

_Please please please just listen to me, stay don-don't go, if you do I don't know what to do I don't know how to do this, I can't do this alone..._

 

"Get out of my way  ** _l o s e r_** _"_

 

At that moment it felt as something in Michael broke, it felt like he couldn't breathe, think or do anything. He just sat there. White noise in his ears and tears streaming down his face.

 

 _He didn't mean that right? He'll come back, right? H-he-he... *_ sob*

 

**_He's not coming back_ **

 

_"Now I'm just creeper in the bathroom 'cause my buddy kind left me alone"_

 

_"Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair"_

 

_But now that's over, now it's just._

 

_"Michael in the bathroom at the party, alone, hopless loser with no friends called Michael"_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Last night Michael came home somewhere after midnight. After having a anexiety attack and crying more than half an hour in Jakes bathroom.

 

But now it was time to get up wipe the tears away and go to school.

 

A friendless hopeless Michael... What was he supposed to do now? Why even go to school he'll just have to pretend to be fine, no why even pretend? People already think he's a loser, a stoner who rides a PT Cruiser. 

 

_Why not just take my PT Cruiser and drive of a cliff, nobody would even care anyway._

 

**_No,_ ** _stop Michael people would care, his parents would be sad, and-and... Would they through, Jeremy doesn't care why would anyone else._

 

_Let's not think like that, let's just not if I began crying now I would be late._

 

He gets dressed and puts his white headphones on his ears. He takes a           walk to school.

 

Michael has the first period with Jeremy. All the longing in his hart to see him to make him bleive what he sais, doesn't beat the brain who tells him that's a bad idea because  _he won't listen._  

 

The best thing for now is just try to forget, try to not that he can acctualy forgetforget. How do you forget 12 years of friendship. So just try, try for a little while at least. Until his head doesn't feel so heavy and his heart so broken.

 

Before he knew it he was late,                           not that he cared.

 

He walks in the classroom and takes his seat next to Jeremy who looks even more like exhausted than himself. 

 

Michel's about to say something 'till he remembers events from his last night. Let's see how Jeremy feels when he'd ignored.

 

Michael looks again in those sky blue eye which make his heart flutter every time he sees them. Now watery and red full of something Michael he couldn't recognize, is it fear-

 

Before he could do something he looks away and single sound escapes Michaels mouth.

 

 "-tsk"

 

Even Michel was surprised by what he'd just  done, he's never done this.

 

There's nothing he can do now.

 

* * *

 

 

Jeremys POV

 

He was currently at home thinking what should he do. Gathering his thoughts and things he knew about SQUIP.

 

_-He's activated by (green) Mountain Dew,_

_-He is distracted and/or deactivated when I drink alcohol._

_-When I'm in pain..._

_What did happen to SQUIP when I was in pain?_When he shocked me nothing happens to him. When I was hit he dissapeard. And when I've hurt myself he- 

He  **didn't** dissapear he looked like he was in, like he was in...

 

"  **He was in pain** "

 

Jeremy said out loud. But was that a one-time thing or was it something it would happen? He  **needed** to test it out.

Light steps he headed to his drawer reaching for his razor.

"AHHH" 

He was shocked. By the squip who looked exhousted.

 

**I can't let you do that Jeremy.**

 

_And why not._

 

**You _can't_ do that. It's against my system to let you hurt yourself physically. again.**

 

Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows remembering when was the last time he did this. It was when his mom left. He began to cut not on his arms but on his thighs so one specific boy won't see them. He of course stopped soon after realising it isn't a healthealthy way to deal with his problems.

 

He'd seek comfortcomfort in Michaels arms and his warm hugs. But he couldn't get that now. Not now.

 

**You will stop that thoughts right now. These thoughts are _wrong._ You'll never get Christine thinking that way.**

 

_I DON'T WANT HER, I JUST WANT TO FIX EVERYTHING OF YOU!!!_

 

_"AGGHHHH"_

 

Squip shocked Jeremy again, and again, and again.

 

But he still got up, breathing heavily and reaching for his razor. Squip just standing and watching out of energy.

 

Jeremy lifted his sleeve looking at his wrist blue marks now deepening on his skin. It takes one moment for him to place his hand on sharp thin peace of metal heading for his left wrist.

 

He hesitated for a moment hardening his grip on the razor putting pressure on his skin. He makes quick movement as the metal slices through his skin. He looks at the squip who glitches at the action. It takes a second. And the bubbles of blood start forming on slightly red line that hangs on his skin.

 

_It isn't enough._

 

He does it again, and again, and again, and again until he stopes and realises what he's done. A glichy form of Kenu Reeves stands beyond him.

 

**Areee yyyou hpyy nnowww?)";+?**

 

Jeremy just sat there and stared, stared at squip wandering what's gonna happen next, what it'd gonna do next.

 

**I willl bbe bckk inn a fdeeeew hhourtes.**

 

Jeremy sighed in relief for a second before his eyes dropped on his arm. His arm all the way from his palm to his elbow was full of red stinging cuts bleeding. Some where deeper and bleeding rapidly and some where smaller cuts that've already stopped bleeding.

 

Jeremy tip-toed to the bathroom and began to clean the woonds deeply lost in thought.

 

What is he going to do next?

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter coming soon!


End file.
